fractalcloud

: fractalcloud; January 25th, 19:01

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: fractalcloud; January 24th, 11:03

A friend of mine told me the other day that he had a dream about me while I had taken mushrooms and was telling everyone I was a black force and evil (which I don't remember doing, but alas, must be true) , and in the dream he looked into my eyes and fell down a black hole. I immediately said, " OH, so you fell into my eyes?" Because his mention of that dream kinda frightened me...made me feel like all he saw me as was an abyss, so I responded with a witty joke. Regardless, I do find his dream interesting, though disconcerting.

My biggest problem

: fractalcloud; January 23rd, 20:48

Is that I can't do anything unless I feel in the mood for it. That is why I have to ingest drugs in order to put me in the mood for anything. Adderall for motivation, alcohol for socialization, nicotine for an extra boost of concentration, psychedelics for escaping...

(no subject)

: fractalcloud; January 22nd, 17:36

Something about my natal sign struck out to me...

-140 Opposition Moon - Uranus
"She has a feverish, non-constructive restlessness. She is too susceptible. Her life is full of change. She is irritable and stubborn at times due to an inner restlessness that is hard to satisfy. She has difficulty concentrating on a job. Nervous strain. Her friendships are like her professional and love life - sometimes unstable. There is a strong need for closeness, but when people get too close, she gets cagey, as she values personal freedom just as much."

Well, that is pretty obvious.

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: fractalcloud; January 7th, 12:57

“Anne, I don't want to live. . . . Now listen, life is lovely, but I Can't Live It. I can't even explain. I know how silly it sounds . . . but if you knew how it Felt. To be alive, yes, alive, but not be able to live it. Ay that's the rub. I am like a stone that lives . . . locked outside of all that's real. . . . Anne, do you know of such things, can you hear???? I wish, or think I wish, that I were dying of something for then I could be brave, but to be not dying, and yet . . . and yet to [be] behind a wall, watching everyone fit in where I can't, to talk behind a gray foggy wall, to live but to not reach or to reach wrong . . . to do it all wrong . . . believe me, (can you?) . . . what's wrong. I want to belong. I'm like a jew who ends up in the wrong country. I'm not a part. I'm not a member. I'm frozen.”

-Anne Sexton

Tell me why?

: fractalcloud; December 28th, 2011

I can't put certain words on paper, or utter them out of my throat like cutting flowers off the stem. Should it not be that easy?

Hey LJ

: fractalcloud; December 27th, 2011

Today I am extremely tired. Just wanted to say hi :) Now I have to push on and make some money bleh.

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Andrew

: fractalcloud; December 12th, 2011

Lampyridae is pale

here in the south,

dying with

the ice.

But I am afraid to pursue,

afraid to speak

in my basement,

watching them flutter

and spark,

layered with dust,

becoming catalysts

for trauma.

And I know

It's from drinking

the ancient liquid

of those stubborn stars,

and I begin to

stutter

and think about some

Eastern religion

or tranquilize myself

with sleep.

I ponder about

dopamine

packing in our synapses like

those boxes we

moved from town to town

I am subdued.

Chemically, I

rush through your theories,

Mr. Jupiter.

And I fill with silence

I am inertia.

I am filled with colliding

variables,

My body is a white thing now.

(no subject)

: fractalcloud; December 12th, 2011

Oranges and apples,
live like the Mona Lisa
in the homes of house-wives
and terrier dogs.
With napkins folded
into squares of perfection;
happy little roof
shelters the unseen.
The monsters under their children's beds,
come out, speak clearly, drink tea,
smoke a cigar.
While business casual is just
adornment like the bowls of tangerines.

(no subject)

: fractalcloud; December 7th, 2011

"She would sit by herself in the middle of the old stoe amphitheatre, with the sky's starry vault overhead, and simply listen to the great silence around her."
-Michael Ende

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