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just when things were looking up
And I decided to commit. I mean really commit myself to Jonathan, he tells me two days later he is moving to california with this sociopath (now ex friend of mine). But he is coming back eventually even though he bought a one way ticket and went over there with $400 and nowhere to stay. I burned a lot of bridges because of my decision to be with him. Now he is gone. And I was doing so well, staying sober, the nightmares stopped, I had my appetite back. I was happy. Since he has been gone, I have broken out in hives all over my body and. I get lost driving places I have driven to hundreds of times before, I am sleepy all the time, having crying spells, etc. My friends tell me he is stupid, but that doesn't stop me fom freaking the fuck out. And he wonders why I have a hard time trusting people? I don't want to be hospitalized, but I am quickly going downhill..ugh. I hate this so much. I kinda just wish I could run away now too..

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